A ruse By Any Other Name: How to Keep Your Surprise Proposal a Secret!
Between social media and search engines, keeping a secret is harder than ever. Especially when you're planning a surprise proposal that requires someone to show up at a specific place, at a specific time, wearing a specific outfit- without suspecting a thing.
Every now and then, someone reaches out to me feeling pretty confident that they’ve got it all figured out. They “just want something simple” or “only need a couple of photos.”
Then I ask: “How are you planning to get your partner there without blowing the surprise?”
Cue the crickets.
99.999% of the time, they haven’t thought that far ahead. Some hadn’t even considered that getting their partner to the location was part of the planning process! You wouldn’t know this unless you’d done it before, but most of what you need to figure out for your proposal happens before you drop to one knee. And just like the big moment itself, there’s no one-size-fits-all strategy.
A well-crafted ruse will keep your partner guessing right up until the moment you pull out the ring. And what that ruse looks like is totally different for every couple.
If your partner isn’t a modern-day Nancy Drew or Hardy Boy, consider yourself lucky- your job just got a whole lot easier. But even if they’re not the type to fact-check every detail, they still know you better than anyone. (They should, anyway, or why are we even doing this?) They know your tells. They hear it in your voice. They see it in your eyes.
And if they ask a question you weren’t prepared for? You’d better think fast. Otherwise, their suspicion might grow. Or worse, you might give the whole thing away. Most people wouldn’t dream of spoiling their own surprise proposal, but some of us (hi, fellow Type-A planners 👋) might accidentally ruin it by asking too many dang questions.
That’s where I come in. As a New Orleans proposal planner, part of my mission is to help you build a backstory so solid, even the sleuthiest partner won’t sniff out the truth. Sure, they might suspect it’ll happen sometime- especially if you’ve (responsibly!) had the “let’s get married” talk or gone ring shopping together- but they won’t see how, where, or when it’s coming. That’s the sweet spot where the magic happens.
Here are my five steps for how to keep a proposal a surprise!
Step One: Get to Know the Couple
Before we dig into planning logistics, I spend time getting to know the two of you. What do you do for fun? What kind of a surprise would they enjoy? Who’s the planner, who’s the skeptic, who’s the one most likely to ask “but why are we going there?”
Understanding your personalities and relationship dynamics is the key to building a believable setup. Some couples need decoys and double-bluffs. Others just need a nudge in the right direction with a little sleight of hand. Most importantly, the ruse has to feel organic-it has to feel like something you'd both actually do or it’s going to be a dead giveaway.
I ask a lot of questions while crafting the ruse so I can make it make sense. I try to anticipate how they might poke holes in the story and pivot our plan so we don’t leave cracks they can pry open. This can be super easy or really difficult depending on your partner’s personality. So I like to spend as much- or as little!- time here as needed to really nail the ruse.
For Hail and Kristina, the ruse seemed simple- they were walking from their vacation rental to a restaurant with a stop at a bar along the way. But the complications of this ruse lay in their relationship to the city: Kristina went to Grad School in New Orleans and Hail had never been here before! So we had to design this in a way that made it seem like her idea, working some magic into plans she had already made.
Step Two: Design the Ruse
Once I know what makes sense for you, we come up with the actual story that will get your partner to the proposal moment without tipping them off.
This is the heart of the whole operation. It might be a staged event, a fake invitation, a photoshoot for a special occasion, or a sudden change of plans that just happens to be held in the most romantic setting ever. Whatever the setup, it’s crafted specifically to feel believable to your person.
Believability is key. For example, you wouldn’t tell your girlfriend you got tickets to an avant garde production of The Little Mermaid if she didn’t love both mermaids and quirky theater. But Valen’s girlfriend Sydney loved both of those things (when I say she loves mermaids, she literally travels with her own silicone tail in case the perfect swim opportunity presents itself!) and I designed a ruse so believable (complete with real, live mermaids and her own Prince Eric) it had her fooled right up until the moment she turned around to find Valen down on one knee. Now this ruse was of a special variety that continued right up until the ring was revealed. But we’ll dive into that later (pun absolutely attended).
When Sydney and Valen arrived at the poolside production of The Little Mermaid, mermaids swam to the water’s edge to beckon Syndey over. Without a word, one mermaid opened up a shell that held a secret message for Sydney. A message that would change her life forever.
Step Three: Reverse Engineer the Day
With the ruse in place, we work backward. Because a great backstory doesn’t just explain the proposal moment- it explains everything that leads up to it. You need to know how to structure your entire day so the proposal ruse fits into the plan rather than trying to shoehorn it in to an already overly-structured day.
Where are you coming from? What will you be doing before and after? Who else is involved? What are you wearing and why are you wearing it? I will help map out the entire day so that every detail supports the ruse. Nothing feels out of place. Nothing invites suspicion. I’ll even help you plan other parts of your time in New Orleans to help throw your partner off the scent!
One of my favorite parts of any proposal is the moment after the reveal- when the delightfully-duped partner starts putting the pieces together. Some of their suspicions get confirmed. Other details completely blindsided them. One person recently told me, “Wow… you thought of things I never would have!” Of course I did. It’s my job to cover all the bases- even the ones that might never come into play.
Take Max and Lisa’s “Interview with the Vampire” proposal. We had a videographer on-site to capture the moment, but the ruse was that it was simply ( lol @ me calling anything about this proposal “simple”) a photo-op with The Vampire Lestat’s casket (yes, the actual casket from AMC’s reboot of the beloved Anne Rice series). So why would a videographer be there too?
I had the videographer dress like a news cameraman, complete with a badge from the news station he works with. If Lisa happened to ask why he was filming, he’d be ready with an answer: “We’re covering the event for a local interest piece.” My video guy thought, “She’s not going to ask.” And he was right. But we had an answer ready just in case she did. I even made custom T-shirts for myself and the team so we looked like staff for an Interview-themed tour. It was over-the-top… but so is a Vampire proposal so honestly, it tracked.
Just like Valen and Sydney’s mermaid proposal, this ruse continued right up to the proposal itself. Rather than revealing the proposal the moment the couple reaches the destination, the ruse continues until the ring appears. The transformation moment- the shift from staged event to real-life proposal-that’s what makes these immersive ruses so magical. This level of detail isn’t necessary for every couple, but for a partner with a super niche obsession, a themed ruse-turned-proposal like this is the upper echelon of surprise. It’s thoughtful, theatrical, and unforgettable.
Lisa looked down into the Vampire Lestat’s casket and saw a beautiful glass casket-shaped box engraved with a message from her partner, Max. She immediately understood what it meant and turned to find Max down on one knee, ring outstretched. It was a perfectly planned moment that was perfectly timed and perfectly executed!
Step Four: Equip You With Everything You Need
Once the plan is in place, I make sure you’re fully prepared to pull it off without a hitch. That means creating believable visuals- like fake event invites, custom props, or digital tickets- so every piece of the story holds up. I also provide scripts for any friends or family involved, so everyone knows exactly what to say (and, more importantly, what not to say). I’ll hire actors to portray tour guides, door-people, realtors, tarot readers… whatever your ruse needs I’ll make it happen.
And to tie it all together, you’ll get a personalized PDF outlining the entire plan: where to be, when to be there, what’s happening, who’s in on it, and how to handle any curve balls that come your way. If anyone else is involved, they’ll get their own personalized PDF plan, too. Everyone will walk into the day knowing exactly what to expect (well, all but one person!).
Basically, you’ll have everything you need to sell the story- short of me feeding you lines through an earpiece (although that’s not a bad idea...)
One of my favorite ruses was George and Amber’s cemetery tour. We didn’t want them just showing up at a random cemetery, expecting a tour, and then- bam! - George drops to one knee. For starters, the cemetery we chose is kind of hard to find. And more importantly, George wanted some decor and live musicians, and we definitely didn’t want Amber spotting all of that from the car as they pulled up.
So, I hired a driver to run a “shuttle” from their French Quarter hotel to the cemetery and gave him a route through the cemetery that would keep the musicians hidden. Then I brought in an actor to play the tour guide, while several members of my team (plus me and my partner) posed as tour guests. I rarely get to be part of this side of the ruse- usually I’m waiting at the finish line-so being immersed in the experience was an absolute delight (and my god was that tour guide HILARIOUS!).
We mapped out the tour to begin at a specific grave, work through the cemetery, and end at a pre-arranged location where musicians were secretly waiting. As the couple approached and the first notes of their song began to play, the fake tour melted away. Guests became a miniature flash mob of rose-petal tossers and moment-capturers. And what was once a convincing (but completely fake!) cemetery tour turned into a very real, very surprising proposal!
Amber didn’t say “Yes" to George. She said “fine”. 🤣 Close enough!
Step Five: Keep the Ruse Alive
Even the best backstory will fall apart if it unravels at the finish line. While it’s not the worst thing if your partner figures out what’s up seconds before the question is popped, it’s a far better experience if you can keep the surprise alive until the perfect moment. So I make sure the world we built still holds up until it’s time for the main event.
If you’re walking into a ticketed event, we’ll have someone checking tickets at the door. If it’s a tour, we’ll have a guide- and sometimes even other tour goers-to sell the scene. If we’ve planned a tarot reading, you’ll step into a fully staged space with a real reader who knows exactly how to play their part (and also deliver a reading afterwards!).
This is the moment where everything we’ve planned starts to click into place- and your partner still has no idea what’s about to happen!
Sometimes, the ruse ends there. The doors are opened and the proposal scene is revealed. And honestly? That’s often all your need. A well-timed reveal, with a believable setup and thoughtful storytelling, is more than enough to sweep your partner off their feet. Not every couple wants a full production for their proposal- and that’s totally okay. Sometimes the effort it takes to get your partner there is enough to show how much thought you put into this. The backstory still matters. The care is still there. Whether it’s simple or theatrical, the surprise still lands- and the emotion hits just as hard.
But for some couples, the story doesn’t stop at the door. The ruse continues to unfold, transforming moment by moment until it becomes the proposal itself. You arrive at your destination and it still appears to be exactly what you said it would be- a performance of the nutcracker, a cemetery tour, a tarot reading, a real estate open house, a dinner theater-but then something happens and the entire scene transforms around you, leaving you and your partner standing in the middle of your own fairytale. Well, they’ll be standing, you’ll likely be down on one knee.
These are my favorite proposals to create. Sure, I love a sweet and simple proposal and the opportunity they provide to subtly incorporate personalized elements (subtlety without that isn’t cheesy is an art!). But the theater major in me loves to create a moment that feels like a scene straight from a book. I love building a world that looks and feels exactly like the ruse we created. I love taking everyday locations and turning them into a stage that I get to dress with props, have extras to direct, and talent to rehearse. (Check out this video of me in director mode for the most ambitious surprise proposal yet!) Everything is choreographed. Everyone has a part to play in making this moment a reality. Everyone I bring to proposals knows they are about to be apart of something truly magical and are (almost) as pumped as you are to be there. They help heighten the emotion and make it an all-around show-stopping experience.
Shayn had a vision in mind for his proposal to Uyen. He wanted to combine some of my favorite diversion and surprise tactics into one, multi-layered experience: a musician, a card from “random” strangers, and a surprise rose petal toss.
Figuring out the perfect ruse-whether it ends the moment they arrive or continues unfolding until the ring is revealed- is part of the process we navigate together. I’ll work with you one-on-one to help you sort through the options, dream up things that have never been done, anticipate your partner’s reactions, and land on a plan that feels natural, meaningful, and completely foolproof. You don’t have to know exactly what you want from the start- creative strategy is my jam! Together, we’ll craft a moment that fits your relationship, honors your story, and delivers a surprise they’ll never see coming.
Here are some of my favorite surprise proposal reactions over the years from people who did not see a proposal coming!
